Dear: New temp

Dear: New temp,

Welcome to the firm!

You’ve been here all of 3 hours so I can completely understand your level of unearned comfort. Yes, it’s totally normal on the first day to completely break that corporate glass ceiling.

Here are a few highlights of your first day.

• Bravo, you proclaimed you want to be hired full time and will do anything to get the job!
• Copy/pasting was a 45 minute ordeal with step-by-step instructions followed by sock puppets.
• Your friends are *69-ing the front desk to ask “Who called from ‘dis’ number?!” Good job making multiple personal calls.
• Your Facebook is up and running on your temporary computer. Better yet, you’re a classic gal who likes the simple things like bringing back the good old days of Farmville.
• You’ve told everyone your complete financial history including that you’ve been out of work for 4 years (hmm surprising).
• Cherry on the sundae was asking various new colleges how they bank and inquiring as to the reviews of the Walmart Credit Union because you cannot open a bank account.

This morning you have not let me down. I now know the struggle of the woman who needs to exchange her Queen Latifah foundation because it’s too light. Enjoy that well deserved long lunch. God knows you’ve earned it!

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