Dear: New temp,
Welcome to the firm!
You’ve been here all of 3 hours so I can completely understand your level of unearned comfort. Yes, it’s totally normal on the first day to completely break that corporate glass ceiling.
Here are a few highlights of your first day.
- Bravo, you proclaimed you want to be hired full time and will do anything to get the job!
- Copy/pasting was a 45 minute ordeal with step-by-step instructions followed by sock puppets.
- Your friends are *69-ing the front desk to ask “Who called from ‘dis’ number?!” Good job making multiple personal calls.
- Your Facebook is up and running on your temporary computer. Better yet, you’re a classic gal who likes the simple things like bringing back the good old days of Farmville.
- You’ve told everyone your complete financial history including that you’ve been out of work for 4 years (hmm surprising).
- Cherry on the sundae was asking various new colleges how they bank and inquiring as to the reviews of the Walmart Credit Union because you cannot open a bank account.
This morning you have not let me down. I now know the struggle of the woman who needs to exchange her Queen Latifah foundation because it’s too light. Enjoy that well deserved long lunch. God knows you’ve earned it!